Ecosystems

There are a lot of things in the ecosystem that play valuable roles despite being seemingly undesirable. Spiders and snakes, for example, both play important roles. That being said, I wholly support the complete extermination of the following plants and animals:

  • Skunks. I normally don’t mind the smell too much driving by on the road. But my dog just got sprayed, and it’s a horrible pungent odor. Like burning rubber and burning onions, permeating the whole house. Only worse.
  • Porcupines. If I went around stabbing everyone, the state would try to exterminate me, too. Only I don’t go around stabbing people, because I’m not an awful anti-social animal.
  • Snakes. Unfortunately they apparently do play a bit of a role in the environment. Thus I could compromise and only eradicate poisonous snakes, snakes with a diameter greater than 1″, and any individual snakes that came near civilization. But if the extermination teams get carried away, you won’t see me losing any sleep.
  • Fire ants. I’d just as soon say all ants, but I suppose we need some little creatures to eat wood, even if it’s usually problematic.
  • Mosquitoes and horseflies. Horseflies supposedly play an important role in pollination, “especially in South Africa.” I’m more than willing to donate all of North America’s horseflies to South Africa, which can have a bumper crop next year.
  • Poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac. No one wants to touch you anyway, so ease up. I don’t like it when people bump into me, either, but I don’t go around giving horrible rashes and blisters to everyone who might brush my arm on the subway.
  • Poison hemlock and water hemlock. When your main function in society is killing, society doesn’t welcome you.

Humans have proven themselves to be pretty good at rendering various species extinct. But instead of killing dodo birds and unicorns, let’s turn our collective extermination abilities to the terrorists of the animal and plant worlds. In our quest to achieve world animal/plant peace, you’re either with us or you’re against us. If anyone is concerned about these things becoming endangered, they can take in pet skunks and rattlesnacks, and grow poison ivy and water hemlock on their windowsills. Just don’t expect me to ever come visit you.

2 thoughts on “Ecosystems

  1. We had a Porcupine spend the winter living on our property once and it was never any problem. Skunks don’t bother me and I don’t bother them. Seems to work out fine for us both.

    The poison plants I could do without though.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *