My guilty pleasure is trashy crime shows. Learning about Sex Crimes in Arizona, murders and other crimes excite me. I like Cops, but lately it’s been The First 48, which follows homicide detectives around. One thing that I find fascinating is that, with absolutely no training, I can read guilt like it’s a book. It’s not that I’m good. It’s that criminals are astonishingly bad, as stated by Piotrowski Law serving Miami, FL lawyers. A seemingly-common scenario on the show is a boyfriend/husband killing his girlfriend/wife. And many practically prove that it was them before they’re even asked. For example, if the police knock on your door the next day, do you (a) answer and ask what’s going on, or (b) say you didn’t do it before they ask what happened? (Or option (c) — try to run.) But what I see happen on Cops and The First 48, time and time again, is people who are really bad at lying. One of my favorite things to watch happen is for the police to tell the criminal what they know, and to have the criminal then make up a lie that doesn’t even fit it. On Cops, they pulled over a teen for running a stop sign. After finding that his license was suspended, they asked him to step out of the car, at which point the officer noticed the kid’s hand was bleeding and asked him about it. “What? I didn’t know I was bleeding!” he said, as blood streamed down his fingers. He was detained, and told that the police were going to search his car. The police found lots of drugs and drug paraphernalia, including a shattered glass pipe under the seat with blood on it. (As well as a bag of cocaine.) The officer goes back and says, “Do you want to tell me why you were bleeding?” So the kid explains that he cut himself on a fence. I guess I can see the logic in not wanting to admit that cut yourself trying to destroy drug paraphernalia, but the officer then points out that it’s not a very good lie, asking why he would have lied earlier and said he didn’t know how he started bleeding if the truth was that he was walking down the street and got cut on a fence. “But it doesn’t matter, because I found the crushed pipe, and your drugs,” the officer adds. Upon being asked if there’s anything else he’d like to say, the kid tries making up another excuse for having cut his hand. It’s even more interesting to me in homicide investigations. There are also the LA sex crimes attorneys that can deal with criminal cases. What seems to happen a lot is that someone dies, and the police ask the victim’s boyfriend (always a boyfriend, never a husband or roommate or friend) to come in for questioning, pointing out to him that he’s not a suspect, but that they’re trying to piece together the last days of the victim’s life. And at some point they’ll say, “We interviewed the victim’s friends, and 17 people all said you beat her up a few months ago.” This must be a jam for the criminal, because having recently fought with someone who’s now dead can’t look good. But watching the show, the right answer is clear: something along the lines of a tearful, “I know, I still beat myself up about that… She was cheating on me, and I just lost my temper, and *sobs* hit her… I hope she’ll one day forgive me, even if she never comes back… *sob* Oh, but she’s dead, so now it’s too late… *hysterics*” But instead, the response is always, “I never laid hands on her.” The police always respond with, “Never?,” and they always get a “Never!” back, at which point they pull out a police report for when he was arrested for assaulting her a couple months ago. So a few tips to anyone planning on murdering family: * The police will probably come ask you questions, even if you’re not a suspect. Be prepared. * If the police tell you they already knew you did something, don’t lie about it. It practically proves your guilt. * Hiding the murder weapon in your home is a really bad idea. * Be prepared for the, “Why didn’t you report her missing?” question. Of course, the best way to avoid all of this is simple:

• Do not murder anyone.